What participants say?

Dear Deborah,

I would like to share my experience on the Fresh Start program that I've attended. I have been separated from my ex-husband since 2013 and as I was going through the separation and eventually divorce, I had harboured a lot of anger, bitterness, disappointment and pain. In order to avoid these pain, I bury myself in work and with social friends. In this state of mind, I could not cope with the needs of my children and have often neglected them. I send them to school in the morning and they are left with the babysitter to look after them and I would pick them up after work, usually at about 9-10pm.

I was so consumed with my problems and the issues I had and I could not cope with my children. They were misbehaving in school and in the home but it was something that I could easily brush aside thinking that children are resilient and they would outgrow these behaviours.

I then got to know a guy and thinking that we could work it out, we began dating. It was all good and I was happy as I thought that this time I would get it right. As time goes by, I felt drained by the new relationship. I found similar traits and patterns this new guy had with my ex and he also felt I had similar patterns with his ex-wife. There was a lot of blame and finger-pointing just like in my marriage and even small and petty issues became big issues. We eventually broke up and I was devastated again. I tried to understand how and why my previous and my new relationship failed but I had no answer.

I was introduced to the Fresh Start program by a friend and from it, I was able to draw out all the past hurts, pain, and disappointment and to be taught on how to deal with it. I also learnt that if our past issues are not resolved, it does not matter who you date or marry in the future, the same problems and issues will come up as we are bringing on our old baggage and problems into the new relationship.

In this program, I was able to identify the areas that were causing the problems in my marital and relationship life, being able to identify and to acknowledge them led me to have a healthier emotional and spiritual life so that I can start again to seek out healthy relationships in the future instead of attracting the wrong kinds of people and making the same mistakes all over again.

I also learnt that how children are being affected by marriages broken apart and their misbehaviour was not something that I could brush aside as it will affect them and their choices for a life partner in the future. This program has guided me with the steps to rebuild my self-worth and to seek healing and with a healthier emotional state of mind, I was able to help my children deal with their emotional issues so that they too will have a healthy state of mind and heart.

I am grateful to you, Deborah and for your ministry, and I encourage those who are going through problems in their relationships and marriages to go through this program so that you will be more prepared and ready to face the issues that you are going through. This program does not solve your problems but it will be able to point you to the real issues that you are currently facing and then you can decide with a clearer mind with what you have to do.

Anonymous - Single Mom - Executive (S)

Three children

I found Fresh Start Series (FSS) for Divorce Recovery helpful in creating some new awareness about my divorce recovery process. It helps in understanding the underlying emotional turbulence when a person goes through divorce.  I recommend that those who are in the midst of divorce will find the sessions most useful in dealing with their emotions. The most important aspect of the sessions was the group dynamics which through honest sharing of experiences has good therapeutic effects.

Overall, I enjoyed sharing of experiences which helps the healing process and ultimately my growth as a human being. The Fresh Start Recovery sessions will be more beneficial to children and society at large if married couples go through these sessions before a divorce.                    

JS (Mr.)

Accountant

Divorced with 3 children

Deborah thanks for putting me through Fresh Start Recovery Series (FSS). Speaking from my point, it's difficult for men to undergo such group sessions to discuss about their marriage life. After 12 cool sessions evenly paced over 3 months with full participation, I must say it was time well spent.

Topics covered were very relevant to us, fathers. Apart from the video training the group dynamics amongst the guys were very interesting. You were a Rose amongst the thorns. We shared the difficulties and bad experiences on issues at hand with no holds barred. Somewhere along our marriage, communication went missing and that was the key factor to shatter what "God had once put together".

 The sessions were real eye opener. When we analysed situations from our past experiences and had we known what was coming, we would had done it differently. Though the program was designed as "Life after Divorce", I think it would help keep marriages intact if it were brought to newly married couples although, it will not be easy for new couples to think that their marriage will end in the rocks.  

Figures show break-up in marriages is on the rise. Due to selfishness of mankind, divorce has today become a lucrative business for greedy lawyers. We need to re-think marriage vows and its purpose for a better future. A lot of damage is done to children, society and citizens of the future when a broken marriage is left unattended.

 "God bless Wholesome Life Centre for helping not only single mothers but the single fathers out there too."

Ronnie R.

Business Man

Divorced with two children

I married at very young age but divorced 7 years ago after 20 years of the marriage. I have custody of all my 4 children. Before I joined FSS, I didn’t realize there were so many stages to my emotional recovery. I have no direction at all at that time but anger, despair, bitterness and I just work, work, and work to make ends meet. Sometimes I even think of committing suicide!

During the FSS, I learned to recognize why things were the way it was and why my youngest son has a different behavior from the other 3 children. I learned there are four ways to deal with my anger in the program. I have changed instead of feeling bitter I no longer despair anymore. I learn to depend on God and not my own strength, I am able to plan for my future and make decisions better. I learned not to be angry anymore because it affected my health. I learned not to repress anymore because it holds me back from going forward. I want to take this opportunity to thank Deborah for her passion in helping those who are divorced and this program really helps me find new hopes and a brighter new future.

Peggy

Teacher

The program offers such wonderful teachings that I would like to embrace them for the rest of my life and also use them to help others seek a fresh start too.

Right from the beginning I note that; “We need to take responsibility for seeking wholeness and if we do not take responsibility for our well-being, who is going to take responsibility for our happiness in life?”

Dear friends, if you are still struggling on this slippery slope of recovery, do not be discouraged. Fresh Start Series also teaches forgiveness and help our children cope with the situation so that they do not have to suffer acute emotional pains due to anger, bitterness or even hatred for their parents.

There is indeed much knowledge and skills that we can use in order to help our children and ourselves. It gives me a strong sense of self-worth because I am able to take charge of myself now. 
Esther H.
Ex-Teacher
Separated with two children